30x40 | Oil on Panel

Week 51

In preparation for this piece, what is my first self portrait, I began by being very self-conscious. I spent some time agonizing over which image would be the best composition as well as something I liked. Once we put together the concept, itmagically became an image of "She". It was not a visage of self but of my muse. 

She did not cause me to waiver as I painted. However, color formation continued to challenge me, as well as Sabka's words to "not be a slave to the image". Even though this one is incredibly large- it was difficult to get space for myself in the beginning. There are times one of us has to request the canvas to ourselves for a bit of detail work or a portion of a portrait in which a stray elbow or bounding surface could threaten. But rarely do either of us get to sit smack dab in the middle of our painting (which of course is the normal stance). Finding my way around knees and colors, I also found my rhythm. 

Viewing self in artistic large format is quite surreal. There are waves of self doubt and criticism, and there are ones of excitement and appreciation for the work you've done. Now that it's complete, I look back and see my portrait deep in thought. Looking down and inward. Calm and relaxed, but with two backgrounds - one strait forward lines and the other turmoil of viridian and Prussian. It is fitting for this stage for me. 

And now, all I can think about is us. I'm amazed we are completing our 51st painting together. This journey we embarked on a year ago has come to fruition, a feat I was unsure we could do initially. I knew I would be changed. But I didn't know how. That my marriage would change, stretch and deepen. That my mind would do the same.  That others would join in their own commitments to creating. And that has been worth everything.