17x36 | Oil on Panel

Week 47

I felt like I was watching myself in a dream mode. You know the kind where there are monsters attacking and you're running-- but your legs are made of wet concrete? Frantically you are looking back and forth wondering why your mind and body gotunsynced at this inconvenient moment?!

The fabric looked at me and dared me. Getting the contrast and colors to offer the form and looseness I wanted was a struggle at first. I knew when stepping back it would need the contrast, but sometimes up close it's hard to trust yourself. I'm learning to lean into the voice in the back of my mind. The one that knows the process, that is not made of emotion but experience. Even though I've spent a year cultivating it, I can't believe I have that! It becomes a meditation when I rest in it, focusing on technique and building emotion in my strokes, rather than letting them rule me. 

This one reminds me of my dad, an 8 year old with a coonskin cap business and my father in law, with his dad's hunting dog. It makes me think of the simple peace in boyhood, the quiet of the woods, imagination, the solidarity of young friendship. It is a similar meditation to mine, one of innocence, fearlessness and oneness with nature.